So every once in a while, with sharp peaks around New Year’s Day, I get emails from friends and family asking me to help them “detox” or go on a “cleanse”. What used to be only found as part of the crunchy granola lexicon has now become sexy and mainstream.
C’mon. Gwyneth, Sarah Jessica, and Salma are all doing it, so should you! And yes, I regularly refer to celebs by their first names. I’m cool like that.
Green juices are the new Cosmo. Drink them for 3 days (sans food or alcohol or your morning cup of liquid brown crack) and you’ll drop pounds and look like you stepped off the runway.
It sounds great and all until you actually try a green juice for the first time and your body physically revolts and tries to get you to throw it back up.
Yes, folks. It’s pretty hardcore stuff. Oftentimes, green juices look like someone ladled them straight out of the swamp.
Time to go get some juice from the swamp, Ma!
That’s why I recommend easing into it, lest you be turned off from them forever.
That’s what (nearly) happened to me a year ago.
At the time, I was big into green smoothies (more on green smoothies here), which are delightful and pretty and sweet and so delicious to drink. I thought, how different can a green juice be, right? Oh, how young and naive I was back then.
My first green juice was a gnarly dark-green-so-dark-to-the-point-of-being-almost-black potion of kale and some more kale. I took a swig and I almost puked all over my kitchen table, dark green juice dribbling down and threatening to stain my chin forever.
It took me not quite forever but a while (months and months) to get over that traumatizing experience and venture out into the green juice world again. The next time around, though, I was better prepared.
A few key ingredients will turn your green juice into something palatable, maybe even enjoyable.
Lemon (I like to put the whole thing in) – I like to put in two. Lemons help to cut out the bitterness of any dark greens you put in your juice *
* Pictures are provided for those who are unsure of what these items may be. Take these pictures with you to the grocery store and look for them in the produce aisle!
Apple (I like Fuji apples) – I core one apple and put the whole thing in. You can add two if you like your juice on the sweeter side
Celery (one whole bunch) – this adds water to your juice and makes it green but not bitter
Sometimes, if I can find organic or at least pesticide-free cucumbers, I’ll add one or two in as well.
Get your mind out of the gutter, ladies
Along with these three (or four) key items, add any combination of the following greens:
Chard (which I find rather brutal)
My preference is to do a mix of kale or romaine, or collards and romaine. Kale and collards tend to be more bitter and less watery, so throwing in some romaine helps to balance the juice mixture so that again, it’s not puke-inducing.
I try to juice in the morning since drinking your juice right after you make it is the best thing (keeps the nutrients and enzymes intact and yada yada), but I found that (1) if I don’t have a juice waiting for me when I wake up, I’m less likely to make one, and (2) leaving the juice overnight makes for a nice cold juice, which is just so much more tastier than a lukewarm juice.
Tomorrow morning’s juice consists of the following (makes for about 52 ounces of juice):
One bunch of kale, one bunch of celery, two lemons and one Fuji apple
I recently purchased an Omega Vert 350 juicer and I am in love.
It’s fast, quiet, and small. Qualities that you may not want in your lover, but definitely want in your juicer.
Here’s a picture of my beloved:
Comes with two cups to catch the pulp and juice
Look how green it is!
This is WITH celery. Imagine how dark it would be with just kale!
Give it a nice stir before pouring into bottles.
I like to use a funnel to pour the juice into bottles and mason jars (my favorite for storing juices).
The finished product: one mason jar for me, smaller bottle for hubby.
Enjoy your swamp water!
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